Freakin out

So this babysitting gig, it's getting old. I'm pretty sure if it were my own kids I would feel better. Maybe. And sometimes I think I wouldn't be a good mother. Maybe that is why I am having a hard time getting pregnant. Patience is not my strong suit. The little one fights sleep. A lot. And for some reason it frustrates me. I don't scream at him or beat him or anything. I just get aggravated. I guess I suck at this. But I still want a baby. I think pot would help with the patience. And don't give me the bullshit bad parenting crap. Read a fucking book. Pot just makes you happy. It does not inhibit your ability to function. We're watching this movie super high me. It's all about pot. It's very educational. This situation is causing tension between Larry and I. I feel like a lot is put on me. Both meals, naps, snacks. He helps, but I am frustrated a lot, so I'm thinking it's not enough help. But I know he thinks I am better at this stuff. And maybe I am, but I still want help. Well enough whining for one session. Will holla!