And the winner is...

So, the decision has been made. California here we come. Again. I was thinking about both places and the opportunities both held for us. Although I have family and friends in SC, there is no promise of a lucrative future. In California, we will be making enough money so I can go home any time I want. It seems like the better choice of the two. So I agreed to it, figuring if it is not meant to happen, it won't. Kinda like me getting pregnant. Must not be meant to be right now. I know I write about babies the most, or better yet, I whine about it. It's just hard for me to accept my challenges with fertility. So anywho, I am ready for the next adventure in my gypsy life. Ready for new and exciting things to happen. And maybe along the way, I can afford to go to a doctor to find out why I am pregnancy challenged. Maybe it's something easy peasy. That would be great! And if the Gods have deemed me childless, than I shall accept that fact and be grateful for the amazing pup that I have. And my incredible husband.

So what do we do?

Tonight I am sad. Larry and I want different things when we leave Washington. He wants California, I want South Carolina. We both don't want any resentment from the other. We don't want our families to be angry. And neither of us wants to be selfish. So this shit isn't going to work. I'm not talking about seperation or divorce, just a rock and a hard place. We asked Hootch what state he wanted to live in. He wasn't any help. I do know one thing, Washington is not it. I need sunshine! I need to feel warm every now and then. I hate it here. I feel like my world is ending and Washington is hell. I miss my family and my friends. South Carolina is definitely home, but I wanna make Larry happy, too. So what are we going to do? We flipped a coin last time. Our decision was not based on the outcome of the coin toss, but we did go where the mystical coin told us. Maybe we should try it again. I just don't know.

Onward and upward, I haven't had a period since September 27thish. I've been slightly nauseated and extremely tired, but my impending periods can do that sometimes. My lower abdomen feels hard. But I have been fooled before. The late period means nothing considering I haven't had a normal cycle since I lost my angel January of 2009. My breasts do seem engorged, but that can and does happen right before a period. So I'm stuck wondering. I hate to wonder and speculate alone. Speaking of alone, we have no friends here. No one that really knows us and can listen when we bitch. I am sure that is adding to the sadness. I am so sad today, too. That conversation Larry and I had upset me. I still have tears. I just want what I want this time around. And California was supposed to be temporary. We were gonna get back on our feet and go back to SC. There were no jobs there which is why we are here. In the effin evergreen state. Evergreen. Evercloudy. Everrainy. Everdepressing. Anywho, so when I thought we had decided it would be SC we were heading to, my father in law calls and tells Larry of this business venture he would like for us to be a part of. In California, of course. And now we have come full circle. This argument will be on the debate floor until we are packed to leave, I'm sure.