Another Angel Baby

It happened again. I got pregnant in November and found out when I was 3 weeks and a few days. Let me rephrase that, I unintentionally got pregnant. I was so happy. Shocked. Consumed. In love. I didn't have a worry or care in the world. Then one day while at work I started getting some pain- not centrally abdominal but off to the left. I sat down to wait out the aches. Then I headed to the bathroom. That's when I saw blood. And that's all it took. I called my mom who picked up my husband and met me at the hospital. It was too early too see anything on an ultrasound but the pain had subsided. For the most part. The doc did warn me that it may be an ectopic pregnancy but I was not concerned. This baby was a fighter. Every other day for a week or so, I hurt on my left side. And as the days progressed so did the pain. Each time it came back, I hurt worse than the last time. I followed up with an OB that said my hcg levels weren't rising like they should be. There was still a good chance of a good pregnancy but she really thought that this one may be ectopic. If my pain got worse I needed to go back to the er as this pregnancy could kill me. Again, I was not worried. Mommy's lil fighter was gonna be just fine. After leaving the doctor that day, my pain came back. And it was bad. By that night, I couldn't sleep at all. I would have to get up run hot water on my left side, lay with my pup to calm me down and try again only to be forced to do it all over. By the time my husband got up for work, I knew we had to go to the hospital. My hcg levels had dropped and they still couldn't see anything on the ultrasound. I was losing this baby. After the ultrasound, my pain was unbearable, even after one shot of demerall. They gave me another shot of demerall and then I slept for what seemed the first time in a year. After all of this, I now had to go home and wait for my lil fighter to die. It hurt so bad emotionally. But the universe and God are taking care of me. I miscarried out my left tube. My theory is the tissue that was my baby is now a piece of me forever. The saving grace in this is I could have died. This pregnancy could have killed us both if it had not miscarried like it did. It doesn't make it hurt any less but it helps to have reason and peace of mind. Currently I have just started my first cycle since the loss and hubby and I are going to get right back to it and pray for a miracle this time.