Emo me

OMG I just want my life back. My little shit hole house and my husband and my dog. I want a job and money to spend and pay bills. I just feel like everything that made me happy is gone. I want to be back in Greer where I feel at home. I can feel myself getting more depressed all the time. But how selfish I am to expect Larry to sacrifice his happiness and do what I want. Like a spoiled child. His family is wonderful but I just can't be happy. I just pretend that nothing is wrong, blink away tears and say I'm okay. I'm not okay. I am lost. Everyday I wake up, go into my sis in laws house and watch two beautiful children. And everyday I am reminded that my child was taken away. Seriously, why is it that people that don't care about their kids are blessed with many and all I want is one. One child to call me mommy. It feels like I will never have that in my life. It also feels like I am being a whiny little bitch today. I blame my emo state on hormones. I think mine are going nucking futs. I didn't sleep all day today so that's nice. And now I am over my little tantrum. Moving on, today we went to the navy exchange. It's like a military walmart. Where walmart has wrangler brand the navy exchange has Ralph Lauren. So I guess it would be like the Rolls Royce of walmarts. Right now, pup and I are in the RV. Sitting on the bed. He's probably thinking about the treats I promised him and forgot to bring, and I am thinking about the disaster that is my life. Seems like there is no light at the end of this tunnel. I wish I was schizo so the personality I call me could go to sleep till this is all over and my auto pilot personality could handle all the bullshit for me. Any advice would be appreciated.